Justin Moore - Sept 22, 2024.

I co-organized and facilitated a men’s ceremonial evening at Dockweiler Beach, Los Angeles to help men connect more with themselves, build community, and unlock insights on one or more ‘shifts’ they are trying to make in their life. These are my reflections the day after the event:

Each time I facilitate an event, I learn a lot.

I learn how much time is needed to prepare versus the amount of time I think we’ll need. I learn that without a strict timekeeper, it is nearly impossible to stay on time and eventually, you’ve fallen so far behind schedule that you have to drop an important planned activity.

I learn that I myself have insights to gain from the participants in these events and that I can be both teacher and student at the same time.

I learn that event attendees arrive with curiosity but also some apprehension and anxiety, and this is magnified when they do not know everyone in the group or when they have not attended this kind of event before. I learn that my role as a facilitator is to create an environment where each person feels incredibly welcome and comfortable as soon as they arrive.

I learn just how important it is for directions to be clear and precise, especially when participants have never done a given exercise before—an example being leading yoga where some of the participants don’t even know what a “downward dog” is.

I learn to temper my nervousness and just “go” with inner trust that I will perform and say the right things. I learn the value of eye contact and un-rushed speaking with clear, loud projection, which not only helps others understand me; but, more importantly, helps people trust me and lean into what I’m saying without absorbing any nervousness, insecurity, or uncertainty that I may be feeling.

I learn how amazing it feels to hear others engaging in great, deep conversations and connecting with others as a result of the environment and instruction I’ve provided to them. I learn how warm my heart feels when someone tells me what a positive impact an evening has made on them, that they would attend again, and that the experience has been healing in a pivotal way.

I learn how much higher the bar is between being a skilled practitioner and instructing another, with an even greater gap between instructing a single individual and a group of people. To lead a group, you need to “know” an activity or skill so well that you spend almost no effort yourself on performing the activity and can instead slip into a flow state with much of your attention directed outward to guide others. It heightens my respect for the coaches at my former gym.

I learn the importance of confidence when leading and that confidence is one part mastery, one part trust in oneself, one part trust in the value of the activity you are leading. I learn how crucial it is to foster 1-on-1 and small group connections, which should be done as early as possible in an event, so that participants immediately feel the ease that comes from knowing they have at least one friend in their presence and they are no longer a stranger.

I learn about the necessity of facilitating in an environment that is maybe-not-100%-“controlled”, but is at least well-known, possibly through a dry run of the event, in much the same way that performers scope out a venue and do a dress rehearsal before their big event.

I learn how it feels to have all eyes on me and the responsibility that comes with this. I learn how the energy and emotional state of a group is heavily influenced by its leaders.

I learn how "non-organic" conversations are not less authentic or valuable despite their structured or organized nature. In fact, they are often far more valuable since they force delving into topics and ways of being that are ordinarily neglected in our more typical interactions with others.

I learn how much work is involved in "set-up" and "tear-down" and that it can either be done "retreat-style" where everything is taken care of for attendees, or it can be done with the help of attendees themselves. Each has a different impact on the perception of the event by attendees.

I learn—or maybe reinforce what I already know—that I can achieve way more and create a far greater impact through partnership than I can on my own as an individual.

I feel proud of myself for leaning into the part of me that wants to facilitate "depth" and "growth" in others. I feel a sense of growth myself, recognizing my leadership abilities have been steadily growing over the past several years. And I feel grateful to have connected with such great men this weekend.